What Families Should Know About Caring for a Loved One After Death

When someone dies, families may be quietly ushered out of the room. A nurse makes a call. A funeral director arrives. The body is taken away. And yet, for much of human history, families cared for their loved one themselves. They washed them, sat with them, dressed them. Cried. Prayed. Told stories. Said goodbye in their own time. Today in Victoria, families still have that choice, but most people do not realise it.

If you are considering caring for your loved one after death, here is what you need to know.

1. You Are Allowed to Care for the Body

In Victoria, there is no law that says a funeral director must take immediate custody of the body. Families can spend time with the person at home or in a facility. You can wash and dress them, create a vigil space and keep them at home for a period before burial or cremation (with appropriate care). What matters most is safe handling, respectful care, and completing the required legal documentation.

2. Time Is Often More Flexible Than You Think

Many families are told the body must be removed quickly. That is not always true, and it may be due to the timing needs of the hospital or funeral home rather than the requirements of the person.

If the death occurred in hospital, ask for time for body care and vigil (a doula can help advocate for this). If you prefer to spend more time with your person, the body can be brought home. Regardless of where death occurred, the body can be kept home for several days with proper cooling and positioning. Cooling methods may include air conditioning, ice packs placed appropriately, cooling blankets, or dry ice used safely.

Rushed decisions often increase distress. Gentle planning reduces it.

3. Death at Home Is Not an Emergency

As my teacher says, when someone dies, “don’t reach for the phone, reach for the kettle.”

If the death was expected and under medical care, you do not have to call an ambulance. When you are ready, the first step is contacting the doctor or palliative care team to certify the death. In Victoria, once the death is certified a Medical Certificate of Cause of Death is completed.  The death must then be registered with Births, Deaths and Marriages Victoria and burial or cremation permits are obtained. The paperwork is manageable and families can do it themselves, but they often appreciate the guidance of a doula or funeral provider.

4. You Do Not Have to Embalm

Embalming is not legally required in Victoria for burial or cremation in most circumstances. Simple body care and cooling are often sufficient for a home vigil and timely burial or cremation.

If you do not want embalming, make sure to ask your funeral provider about their practices. Some providers will automatically embalm without asking or even telling their clients, so it is important to work with a provider who respects your wishes.

5. Body Care Can Be a Healing Ritual

Caring for the body can include washing with warm water, brushing hair, dressing in chosen clothing, placing meaningful items nearby, and sitting in quiet vigil. Many families describe this as grounding and deeply healing.

6. Support Makes a Difference

An end-of-life doula can explain your legal rights, guide safe body care and cooling, coordinate paperwork, help set up a vigil space, and support family members emotionally.

You remain in control. You are not alone.

7. It Is Not for Everyone

Caring for a loved one after death is a personal decision. There is no single right way to do this. The question is what will best support your grief and honour this person.

8. The Most Important Thing Is Time

Take time to sit, to cry, to tell stories. Allow children to come in and out in their own time.

The hours after death can either feel clinical and hurried, or intimate and meaningful. Knowing your choices gives you the chance to decide.